My Early Christian Days

On my last blog, I discussed how I came to Christ after going through stages of rebellion against God. While going through my journey to Christ, I experienced the sovereignty of God in all of my affairs, as He redeemed my life and purchased me by His own blood. After I made this decision, I had a "honeymoon" period with God as He continued to reassure me concerning my justification before Him and how the depth of His love for me. This period lasted for about 3 months and then I began to experience a fundamental truth concerning the Christian life: all who live godly will suffer persecution. At the time that I read this scripture, I thought that this referred solely to unbelievers, but while in high school, I learned that this also applies equally well to unbelievers.

My conversion to Christ occurred during the summer of my sophomore year in high school so by the time that I came back to school, I was a completely different person. When I came back to school, the indifference that characterized my life was transformed into an unquenchable fire for the things of God. So as most young Christians do, I decided to share my faith with my classmates. They were quite baffled by the fact that I have changed so quickly over such a small period of time, and I learned that my stand for Christ isolated me more and more from my peers. I lost the small amount of friends that I had and then I learned that I was being openly mocked while in high school. At the time, I couldn't understand why more people disliked me now than when I was a depressed atheist and as a young Christian, this was a huge struggle for me. It never made me question my faith, but I battled endlessly on why God was allowing this to happen. I figured that if I took a stand for God, then He would not cause any of the these things to happen in my life. It was at the time that I learned about the cost that it takes to be a disciple. Unfortunately, when I became Christian, I did not sit down and count the cost necessary to be a disciple and because I didn't, I spent a lot of my early Christians days perpetually frustrated. In my experience, I have noticed that many others never count the cost necessary to call oneself a disciple and so they had the testimony of the seed that fell on rocky soil: they receive it with joy until the necessary affliction caused by the testimony of Christ causes them to fall away. In other cases, the trials that inevitably come into their life do not produce fruit from their life, but produces bitterness and frustration. In my case, the trials that I went through illustrated that there was deep pride within myself that Jesus needed to get rid of. They also illustrated that if I don't put to death my self-life completely, then I could never follow him (Matthew 16:25). So in a very systematic way, God removed these things from me, and what I discovered is that as God began to remove these elements of pride and selfishness, it caused me to become isolated. I didn't have any legitimate friends while in high school so as all Christians do, I sought fellowship at my local church. 

It was fitting that the first local fellowship that I went to as a Christian was by and far, the most difficult time for me personally because it demonstrates that fellowship is more than Christians meeting with mutual interests. In my case, it involved edifying, exhorting, and loving individuals that God has connected me with that perpetually irritated me and frustrated me. In every believer's life, our Father asks us to accept His will in difficult situations and as a believer, we can choose to be a disciple by embracing the cup that the Lord has given us to drink or we can choose to be an immature, carnal believer by rejecting the cup that He has given us. This church was the cup for me to drink; at this church, the Lord asked me this question: am I truly submitted to Him or am I just a "fair-weather" fan? If I desire to live for Christ and to reign in victory with Him, am I willing to die to myself (2 Timothy 2:10)? Am I willing to endure hardship with Him or do I want everything handed to me for free? How much do I want the life of Christ within me?

These questions were presented to me as I had to submit to a pastor who I didn't agree with regarding much of anything. In this church, there were many arbitrary rules placed over teens in general (such as not going to the prom) and then specific rules placed only on me (such as not playing jazz on my saxophone or being in marching band). I was ridiculed openly by my peers at church because of my ambitions of going to college, scolded by elders in the church because I didn't speak in tongues (which made me spiritually inferior to everyone else in the church), and rebuked by the pastor constantly for not being a better example to my peers. Even though the teens around me were openly fornicating and openly admitting their carnality, I was the one being rebuked openly and the one whose spirituality was constantly in question. When I was asked to play my saxophone for this church, the church musicians decided that they didn't want any part of this so they purposely muted my mic when I would play. Furthermore, it became more apparent over time that the leadership of the church were slaves to sin, particularly sexual immorality and the love of money. However, in all of these things that I saw, God continued to repeat the phrase: humble yourself. Once again, the question was posed to me again: am I truly submitted to Him or am I a "fair-weather" believer? For many individuals, this is the question that is posed time and time again. God places us in multiple situations that are both confusing and difficult. However, are you humble enough to admit that you do not know how to plan your life better than how God can plan or are you so arrogant to believe that you can instruct God on what's most beneficial to you? Isaiah stated as follows:

Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or as His counselor has informed Him? With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding? And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge, and informed Him of the way of understanding. Isaiah 40:13-14

Are you humble enough to admit that God sees further in the future than you? Are you humble enough to acknowledge that God knows more about your needs than you do? Jeremiah knew the answer to these questions:

I know, O Lord, that a man's way is not in himself; nor is it in a man who walks to direct His steps. Jeremiah 10:23

These were questions that I asked myself, but in my pride, it grew more and more difficult to obey God under these situations because I saw no point. Eventually, resentment grew in my heart because I was in the worst of positions- going to a church with no fellowship and going to a school where most of my peers avoided me or despised me. As I've met more and more Christians over time, I've heard a similar story. Many believers find themselves in the situation where they feel isolated because they do not have fellowship with others around them. In particular, as a person becomes real with God and walks as a disciple, they will find that they will have fewer and fewer people to walk with. However, because God ordained fellowship for believers, He will always supply that need. In my life, as I finally accepted God's will in this matter, He led me to various people in school who became a source of encouragement for me. They never became close friends, but whenever I needed encouragement, edification, or correction, He sent someone along my path. By my senior year in high school, I finally understood why God placed me in those various situations. I was sent there to be a witness, just as Noah was a witness in the world around him. Hebrews 11:7 states:

By faith Noah, being warned by God about things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household, by which he condemned the world, and became an heir of the righteousness which is according to faith.

What is wonderful about our Father is that He only needs one person to be a witness for Him. As I went through this, I realized that it wasn't my responsibility to call out various elders in the church for being hypocritical, nor did I have to call out various teens for living a compromised my life. I was called to live a victorious life in Christ and be a faithful witness for him while living in the midst of people who choose to live a compromised life. My life had the effect of condemning some and attracting others to Christ. What I learned was that as I humbled myself under the circumstances that He placed me in, He provides grace for me to overcome the frustration and resentment that I had until the entire root was removed in my heart. So as they continued to mock me in public, their reproof had no effect on me because I was no freed from their opinions; I no longer sought their honor or respect because their opinion was fit for the garbage. I then learned that it's impossible to be a servant of Christ if I seek to please men in any way (Galatians 1:10). All of the strivings that I had within me about being accepted and about having friends in school and in church quickly dissipated as I found out that He has something much better for me: His life. I have experienced that many believers still seek to please men in some respects either by gaining their honor or by keeping a good reputation and this may be the chief reason why the life in Christ in them is so dim. Their life is subject to the whim of the word of a person so they could never come to a life that is complete and established in Christ. Through my experience with this church, I learned that even the opinions of believers- their praise or criticism- are irrelevant if it's contrary to how God views me.

To those who are reading this, being free from the fear of men is one of the greatest liberations that a person can have and it's a promise of the New Testament. It was totally liberating as a teen to realize that I can be myself totally without worrying about how others viewed me at all. I didn't have to disguise my personality or my personal interests out of fear of what others might say, but I can rejoice in how God made me. When I was in high school, I began to enjoy the fact that God made me no mistakes in making me at all, even if few people willingly accepted me. Therefore, I was completely unashamed to speak openly about my faith to others and how this life in God is so glorious and in like manner, you can be completely unashamed to be an ambassador of Christ as well. They will call you a number of names, and at times, some will completely curse you because of the stance that you take. However, when you have this freedom, those words will not disturb you one bit since you live your life seeking to please God.

The example that I lived for this church proved to be very needed because in the near future, the church suffered a tragic ending. It became known that the pastor of my church was guilty of sexual molestation of young boys in the church. Once everyone accepted that these accusations were true, it completely shattered the faith that many young men had in Christ. In their eyes, if God couldn't keep their pastor free from such an egregious sin, then what hope do they have? However, most importantly, if the pastor couldn't keep himself free from sin, then how can we believe anything that he taught? I asked the more important question: why is one person's faith in Christ tied so deeply into their pastor? Since we are instructed to work out our own salvation (Philippians 2:12), why does a person fall from Christ if their pastor fell into sin? The answer to this question was that many in the church were following a man, and had never met Christ. Unfortunately, there are too many individuals that base their relationship with Christ on their pastor or respected elder and it takes a dramatic event in order reveal this to some people. It was at the time where I realized that God had been preparing me slowly for this moment. If I didn't demonstrate a life of consistent faith to them previously, then everything that I would tell them now would be invalid. So for me, all of the frustrating moments that I had at the church was used for this moment... so I can comfort and build up those who need to be comforted. I have been convinced that every seemingly arbitrary position that God places me in has a very distinct purpose for those who will walk a similar path as mine. Furthermore, none of the struggles and temptations that I face are unique to me. The book of Hebrews offers great comfort for all believers:

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus went through much worse situations that I have been. He was called a prince of devils, a glutton, and a blasphemer, while being forsaken by his closest companions. Yet He completely overcome the temptation to become frustrated or vengeful... He simply forgave them. When I saw this, I repented of my attitude during this time, knowing that God was building me up to be a true disciple and witness for Him. For those going through a somewhat arbitrary situation where God has placed you in a confusing and difficult position, know that our Father never does anything that doesn't work out for your good (Romans 8:28). This does not mean that it won't inconvenience you (it usually will remove you from your comfortable life), but it does mean that all of these situations will make become more and more like Jesus (Romans 8:29), which is the ultimate treasure for every believer. In every situation, God will find a way to obtain maximum glory out of my life, starting from my early Christian days, and I'm confident that He will do the same for any genuine believer.