Casual Dating

Recently, a friend of mine on Facebook asked me to watch a movie/documentary called The Diary of a Tired Black Man, which appeared to be a response to Tyler Perry's movie/play The Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I became more and more upset at this production, not because of the story of the movie, but because of the idea that it presupposes. While watching this movie and observing the events of my life as well as countless others around me, I've come to the conclusion that there are few things in American life as dysfunctional as the dating world. This dysfunction is seen in a variety of different ways in casual dating, but three will suffice: immaturity, selfishness, and lovelessness.

The immaturity that we observe in the dating world is simply a symptom of the immaturity with people in general. Here, in our culture, we have developed an institution that attempts to mask an individual's personal problems.We escape from personal introspection and examination, as we attempt to surround our lives with anything that will cause us to avoid the obvious truth about ourselves. In particular, we run to entertainment to dull ourselves from these things. For many people, dating is nothing more than a means to remove our boredom for the day. Some people even go on dates because they are hungry and feel like getting a free meal from others (after all, if a man offers to pay for a meal, why should I object to it?). Because of the mentality entering into dating, there is no real intention to develop any meaningful friendship with a person. There is no real intention to learn about the uniqueness or essence of a person, but it's simply a means to satisfy our own desires. This is the same mentality that a child takes into their human interactions so is it any real surprise that the overwhelming majority of the interactions that we have with others are superficial and temporary?

However, since many people believe that this is primary way that romantic relationships occur, they continue to play the same game without realizing that they are sowing the seeds to their own destruction. Developing maturity is a process that takes years to develop; just as much as we cannot expect a boy to transform into a man overnight, maturity cannot be developed instantly. This also means that if we avoid the maturation process by choosing to remain comfortable in our immaturity, then we will stunt our own growth.What happens if a person never learns how to develop mature relationships because they chose to accept the counterfeit, shallow, and casual relationship exhibited around them? My concern is that many have reached this point already, but my question is when does a person put away childish things? In our culture, we have too many children dating other children.

I perceive that we have reached this point due to the blatant selfishness and lovelessness exhibited in many relationships. Our natural inclination as fundamentally depraved beings is to seek our own interest and to only consider another person's interest if our self-interests collide. This selfishness breeds a number of other problems. A selfish person will become angry at a person and create strife for not satisfying their needs. A selfish person will not exercise patience with another person nor overlook minor irritations and faults because their life is completely consumed with themselves. However, the most unfortunate aspect of this is the lack of love in relationships. Our culture treats people as expendable since it is too inconvenient or too uncomfortable for us to walk with a difficult person. Essentially, we have taken a precious thing in the site of God and debased its value. God never intended for any of us to treat our brothers or sisters lightly (since He doesn't take our lives lightly), but He placed others in our lives to serve them. If God placed a person along our path, we are supposed to be stewards and treat them as precious. However, in the mode of dating these days, after 3-4 dates, if we are bored with a person, we have no intention to deal with them again, unless we need something from them. This is the epitome of a loveless and selfish heart (see Philippians 2:3-4).

Within serious committed relationships, we see the same trends because the behavior that we practice becomes the character we develop. If we have developed a habit of having temporary relationships through casual dating, then we cannot expect to have a long-lasting committed relationship. However, most importantly, how can a person expect to develop a strong romantic and intimate relationship if they cannot develop a strong and intimate friendship? For a culture that carries the banner of freedom and liberation, it's amazing how many people are still in bondage because of their fear of rejection and intimacy. Could it be that casual dating and casual friendships are a defensive mechanism for these fears? Could it be that people are so afraid of being heartbroken that they run to everything that is temporary and shallow? Perhaps this is why many people accept sexual and sensual relationships, rather than pursuing true love from a pure heart and true intimacy. After all, for some, it's much easier to lay down with a stranger than to open your heart to a friend since you find your self-worth in a person or because the rejection in your heart has never healed.

To all of these issues, I say do not be conformed to this world and its system. Do not be foolish enough to believe that you can develop a godly relationship with anyone while using the same mentality of this world. Do not believe that you can have any a genuine relationship with anyone while accepting the shallow and temporary relationships that this world gives. As mentioned before, genuine relationships take time to develop and the time of development is filled with various obstacles and various trials, but if you have found them, be careful to guard them with all diligence. Take time to nurture them fully because this world gives us many distractions so that we neglect the most precious things for the insignificant. To those who are remain captive to fear of rejection and intimacy, know that perfect love removes all fear. The love of God and the grace of God are abundant and are strong enough to heal any wound, no matter how deep. Pursue His grace and meditate on His love and with faith believe that He is more than able and willing to see you restored. I will leave you with these verses:

For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world- our faith...And this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know tha twe have the requests which we have asked Him. 1 John 5:4,14-15